Ayatollah Ali Khamenei Confirms Houthis Launched Attack [Satire]

While Visiting Iran . . .

US CIA Factbook/Public Domain

[Satire]

In a late breaking interview, Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei denounced Saudi and American claims that Iran launched the recent crippling attack on Saudi oil facilities. Khamenei slammed the “lying infidel pig ignorant American politicians” and the “slimy Sunni dogs of the Saudi government” for continuing to accuse Iran of the attack when he and his government have firmly denied it. “Come on,” he said, “we seize ships, kidnap American and British infidel sailors, blow up oil tankers, and shoot down drones without anyone doing anything to us. Why would we lie about this?”

Khamenei Agrees to Explain the Attack

Khamenei was asked about evidence that the attack was too sophisticated for the Houthis and that the attack came from Iran. “Oh, so you are racist Islamaphobes for thinking the glorious Islamic freedom fighters of Yemen are unable to launch a sophisticated attack! You should be ashamed!”

After profusely apologizing to the Iranian Supreme Leader for demeaning his Houthi Shia brethren from Yemen, the interviewer continued asking questions. “I’m sorry, sir,” the interviewer said. He added, “How do you explain what happened?”

Khamenei smiled expansively and said, “Ah, you are finally humbling yourself by asking instead of accusing us. The answer is very simple. I will explain.”

Hospitality is Everything to Revolutionary Iranians

“Here is what happened,” Khamenei said. “We invited some of our Houthi brothers from Yemen to visit us in Iran. They were tired from continuously bravely fighting against the evil Saudi led coalition in Yemen. We wanted to be friendly hosts and help them regain their fighting spirit. Our hospitable Revolutionary Guard officers took them on a tour of a military site. We showed them our latest exploding drones, cruise missiles, and ballistic missiles. Because our Houthi visitors are close friends and our guests, we showed them how the weapons were aimed at Saudi oil facilities. We explained how to have all of the weapons reach the target simultaneously by timing their launches.”

“Our Houthi brothers were very excited about this. They asked more questions such as exactly how to launch the weapons. Then they told us, if we had no objection, they would launch the weapons. Since they were our guests, we had to be hospitable and could not refuse them. They launched the weapons and were very happy and re-energized with revolutionary fervor when they left. You see, the Houthis did launch the attack. We were simply exemplary hosts.”

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